me  (found here: http://similarminds.com/global-adv.html) … Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||| 60%
Stability |||||||||||| 46%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 66%
Accommodation |||||||||||| 50%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 70%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56%
Mystical |||||||||||||| 56%
Artistic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism || 10%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Adventurousness |||||| 23%
Work ethic || 10%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 70%
Conflict seeking |||| 16%
Need to dominate |||||| 30%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Avoidant || 10%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Wealth || 10%
Dependency |||||||||||| 43%
Change averse |||||||||||||| 56%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||| 30%
Physical security |||||||||||||| 56%
Physical fitness |||||||||| 37%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 43%
Paranoia |||||| 23%
Vanity |||||| 23%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Female cliche |||||||||||||| 56%

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot: clean, self revealing, open, organized, outgoing, social, enjoys leadership and managing others, dominant, makes friends easily, does not like to be alone, assertive, hard working, finisher, optimistic, positive, likes to stand out, likes large parties, respects authority, practical, high self esteem, perfectionist, dislikes chaos, busy, not familiar with the dark side of life, controlling, high self control, traditional, tough, likes to fit in, conforming, brutally honest, takes precautions

flowery gesture   (This was a love letter that I wrote imagining that I was a man, and I was writing this to a girl that I loved.)

If I was your man, I would take tremendous pride in not making you ever cry.

If I ever found out that I made you sad in any way, I would try my hardest to make up for my stupidity and selfishness or thoughtlessness (one of these is always the reason). I would want to erase your sadness as soon I as I possibly could and get to work on making you smile at me once again. Or at the very least, get you to forgive me. Asking for forgiveness is very difficult to do for us, men. Has to do with our inablity to admit to being wrong. To being cruel. To being immature. We seem to think that we’re perfect, and it’s the women that are that way, whatever way they are. We don’t trust them completely, because … well. Because we’re afraid. Afraid that they would leave us for someone else. So we try to control them. But the harder we try to do this, the sooner it is that they’ll start to look for what we’re not giving them: Affection. Attention. Love. And intimacy.

As your man I would do my best to not be like the other guys. I would understand. I would learn. And I would ask questions. Lots of questions.

If I was your man, I would know what your favourite flower is, and would bring you one single stem of it from time to time. Just one stem. Even if my girl insisted that she did not like flowers, I would pick one out especially for her. While holding her hand I would tell her that every woman has her favourite flower, no matter how hard assed they are about denying it. Because every man should know, that this is a fact.

If I was a man who was truly in love, I would only tell this to the one I love only when we’re alone. And even then I would only whisper it in hear ear, ever so softly. To say “I love you” out loud should not be allowed. It is much too powerful of a statement to be said like that, set free so carelessly … into the ears of strangers who just would not understand. They’d only smirk and look away, ashamed for us two. Who needs that type of feedback, when you can have the whispered word just hang weightlessly in the quiet air … for a few seconds or minutes … until it gets completely absorbed by us two, and the space that surrounds us.

If she would say it back to me the same way, maybe cup my ear into her hands and whisper this back to me, I would close my eyes and just hold her against me. Squeeze her gently. Stroke her hair. Hold her until we both get tired of standing up like that, leaning into each other, enjoying this perfect moment. This perfect egg of time … where everything is the way I would want everything to be if I had control over how everything was.

Then,

I would undress her slowly, peel the clothes off of her one item at a time. When they are all on the floor I would take her hand and lead her to the nearest wall in the room and …

Well.

I am a gentleman.

As well as a man who is very passionate about his one and only, but also secretive about what goes on after the lights go out. After the clothes come off. After the talking stops, and the bodies begin to speak to each other.

Once our lovemaking is finished and we are both satisfied, I would continue to stroke her hair, her skin … kiss her neck, until she fell asleep beside me. Then I would cover her up, making sure that she was warm and comfortable, and only then would I allow myself to sleep as well. For I would not want to be selfish and be the one that falls asleep first, after an experience like that.

meanies  Last night I had a giant head ache that kept on developing as my shift was nearing its end. By the time I was done and on my way home it had reached its most painful level. I was hoping for a quiet ride home on the subway and then the streetcar. The subway was ok, not too noisy.

As I got on the streetcar I was happy to notice that there were not too many people on it, so I expected it to go well. Then just as the streetcar was ready to close its doors and leave, it idled some more. I saw why: an older man was running towards it, with a guitar in his hands. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window as the streetcar started to move, finally.

Then I heard the strumming.

It was coming from directly behind me. Guitar Man had to sit right behind me, even thought the streetcar had a bunch of empty seats. I thought maybe he’d stop after a while.

Nope.

He broke into a song, and started humming. It was nice enough, and normally I would not mind. But. That. Night. My. Head. Hurt.

I rarely get major head aches.

A few people turned their heads to look at him, then turned back to face forward again. I was hoping that someone would say something.

I sighed. It would have to be me.

Yes, I thought about moving seats. But I was lazy. Besides, what’s meaner, me moving (he’d know it was because of him I’m sure of this) or me politely telling him that my head really hurt and please stop playing until I get off (another 5 minutes).

I was about to turn around to face him and ask him to stop, when I noticed the guy that sat a few seats infront of me. He was wearing a hat that said: “Mean People Suck” on the back.

I don’t want to be mean. Ever.

So I stayed put and closed my eyes, and leaned up against the window. Again. I tried to not pay attention to the pounding in my head.

A few stops later the Guitar Man got off and said to the whole streetcar before stepping off: “Have a good night y’all.”

I smiled. And shook my head very very gingerly.

image   pri·ma·cy (n.)- the state of being first or foremost.

I never knew that this was a word. Saw it in a hockey book I was reading a while ago.

When I saw this word I thought it had to do with primates.

Okay, so this word is about a state of being first and foremost. The state of being first in importance. I would quess that it applies to both people and things?

Hm.

I’ve forgotten what that’s like. I’ve been first in a lot of swim meets when I was younger and as a teenager, but lately … what have I been first in? Hm. Things of no importance.

Is it selfish to ask to come first to/for someone? I think yes, somewhat. I don’t have a selfish streak so I guess I’ll never ask for that.

But that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to come first. I think everone would. To be that someone to someone else. Is that true love? Being the first to/for someone … or is that being needy? Dependent? Are those necessarily bad traits? Are we now being conditioned to think so? In the olden days, weren’t these traits looked at as ‘normal’, as ‘good’ and ‘wholesome’?

Nowadays everyone wants to appear or to seem so together and independent … why? What does that prove. Why is that attractive?

It seems that women (including myself) are striving to be more independent, stronger and more fierce. Even if it goes against our character. Is it really worth it, all that work? All that lying to ourselves. Yes, I’m so-so independent, look:

I dont need a boyfriend!
I can fix my own computer!
I can fix my own faucet!
I can fix the dryer!
I can do all the caulking around the house!
I can hook up my VCR on my own!
I can kill all the rodents myself, thankyouverymuch!
blah blah blah

Why can’t we all just admit that we need someone.

me too   I am gentle like the flowing water.
Humble and generous like a fertile valley, feeding all who came to it.
I am hidden, subtle and mysterious, like a landscape glimpsed through mist.
I take no sides and grant no authority.
I cannot be appeased by sacrifices and rituals.
In dispensing justice, as in all things, I operate with a light touch, an invisible hand. Shying away from displays of arrogance and egotism.
I communicate my deepest secrets to myself only.
If it can be said that I am biased in any way, it is in favour of the humble, the weak and the small.- The Mother of Ten Thousand Things by Lao Tse

*sigh*

I feel that that is a description of me, and how I am. How I think about myself and how I hope those that know me, think of me. (I don’t know about the mysterious bit … I feel that I’m the opposite of that, sometimes.)

I love the last line. I do have special feelings for the humble the weak and the small. I prefer people that are humble (quiet, shy and introverted), I feel more connected with them, than with the ones who are the opposite. The weak – well, I cannot do anything to help them, really. So instead I feel for them. I truly do: I often find myself with tears in my eyes when I see someone that is old, broken and sad, and seem that they don’t want to go on. I wonder what makes them hang on. And that thought alone breaks me down.

If I had more money … ohhhhh, if I did. I would do wonderful things like … buy the old lady beautiful flowers … buy the old man a bottle of whiskey … tell them that things will be okay, and to not be sad. Would they care? Maybe not. But deep down I would be happy knowing that I have done something to make them smile, to make them feel warm and fuzzy, even for just a few seconds. I made them forget their misery. Their sadness. About their time running out, their end nearing.

Would I ever want to live forever? Go on this way … ? Here? Starting now?

Hmm.

If I could keep this body as it is forever, then probably, yes. I like this body lotttttttts.

alone   This is me: Simple ~ Effortless ~ Easy

No ring tone coming from my purse – I don’t own a cel phone.

No crazy scents coming off of me – I don’t use perfumes.

No lipstick marks on your skin, baby – I don’t use that shit.

You won’t stick to my lips – I don’t use lipgloss either.

No jingling on my arms or neck – I don’t wear jewelry.

No bitching from me on certain days – I don’t get PMS.

No ear plugs are needed – I don’t yell.

No brandnames on my clothes – I don’t care for that.

No cutesy umbrellas are needed to protect my just straightened hair – mine is curly (for about 99% of the year).

Besides, I hate umbrellas – they’re so useless, and are really only truly necessary a few times a year. I prefer to get rained on anyway.

Rain does not scare me.

Messiness does not scare me.

Disorder does not scare me.

Dirt does not scare me.

Honesty does not scare me. (Ok, maybe a little.)
Humidity does not scare me.

Bugs don’t scare me.

Storms don’t scare me.

But a lot of people do. Like some opposites of me – see descriptions above. I guess we all prefer to meet and be friends with people that are more like us. So we can relate. So we can laugh at those others and their needs of things that we don’t care about.

Modesty ~ simplicity ~ humbleness – I crave you all.

time   Time is one of our most precious resources. The fact that we dont know how much time we have left makes it that much more special. It’s scary, really. Think about it …We only have so much; time that is.

You cannot get time on credit. You cannot borrow it from friends. And you cannot save it up to spend later. It just is and its going and going and going …

(Still going.)

And you cannot go bankrupt and start all over again. Unless, you end. And then who knows?

Who you choose to give your time to, are the special ones. The more of your time you give them the more special/dear they are to you. Attention. Care. Love. Time … all the same.

I guess that’s why so many people volunteer. The cannot afford to give money, so they give their time. For free! Wow … I’ve been wanting to volunteer but not now, not anymore.

I have someone that I want to give all my time to. Someone that deserves all my time. Free time. Busy time. Sleep time. Daydream time. Eating time. TV time. Scrabble time. All my time …

It is my most treasured gift.

http://www.thedashmovie.com – relates to what I wrote about … *sniffle*

moving   I really liked my old site’s blogs and entries and now wonder if it would be OK to just cut & paste that in here, blog by blog? Hm.

Is that an acceptable thing to do or what? I have had 3-4 blogs floating around out there and now I think I’m ready to commit to just one.

Oh fuck it, I’m doing it. So … one by one they’ll start appearing on here. I’ll even start to bring over photos one by one. Perhaps for each blog entry I’ll include a photo of me.

ME ME ME.

That’s right. (Do I say that too much? Probably.)

THAAAAT’S RIIIIIIIIGHT!!!

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still life left in me   Still in the middle of trying to decide what kind of ‘presentation’ my blog will have. I think that instead of having about 30 options, one should have over 100! Or more, even, as this is very personal. It shows your taste … and abit of your personality, no?

I think yes.

Still, this site has more options for themes than blogspot.

So far so good.

Still playing around … kinda fun. Kills time at work too.

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