… while wearing my sunglasses most of the time, that when men look at me, at my body, they look at my crotch.

WTF?!

I always thought they’d focus their attention somewhere else.

I never used to notice this cause I was always too shy to look men in the eye whenever they were walking towards me … but I guess getting older has made me more ballsy. It also helps that I now wear my sunglasses more than I used to. (Trying to take better care of my eyes etc.)

But why the crotch?

…

I checked it out once in a while to see if it was looking like as if it needed any attention. To me it always looked like an average crotch.

… if there is someone out there who thinks exactly like I do?

    Goddammit.  My blog has been hijacked by Paxil, Viagra and penis enlargement ads.

Finally got things back in order but now my blog is all messed up.  Fonts are different, the colour scheme is different … there are some weird characters in my posts that weren’t there before.

Fudge.

So much work, this.  Blogging.

Is anything safe anymore?

Na-ah!

Look out everyone.

The spammers are commming.

… that I finally wrote something, I suppose.

I’m doing good.

Got a new job that I actually like. An administrative assistant for a small Tree Care company in North/East Toronto. The commute is a bitch but … it’s long enough that I have time to finish reading the morning paper on my way in to work each day.

The office has a cat. I call her ‘Kitty’ and when I’m alone (which is about 90% of the time) in my best Cartman interpretation.  Ha…  She does acknowledge me so that’s good.

I’ve gained a bit of weight which is starting to bug me now. I thought that by the summer I’d lose most of it but no. Still 170, dammit.

I was 140 about a year and a half ago, and would like to get there … like, soon. I’ve been walking longer and am trying to eat less. Same ol’ boring stuff.

I need to get my hair done. It’s bugging me too … been about a year now since I’ve had my high/low lights done. Ugh. Not good.

Postives? Meh, life is continuing. People come people go … but the important things stay the same.

Like William. And Negra. And my crazy family.

Joy.

How’s everyone else getting on??

… Next Monday will start my last week of training at this place – my new employment. After that week we’ll be thrown onto the floor, and out of the safety of ‘training’ and being with each other, us ‘trainees’. Out of the 25 that started this with me, only 15 of us are left. I’m sure that by Monday we’ll see another if not 2 more people gone.  *sigh*

I’m hoping to be one of these lucky ones who found something better. I am sending out resumes almost daily. Almost.

Wish me luck.

I don’t want to hate what I do for a living.

I’ve done something similar to this for 8.5 years at Hell Canada.  Wearing that stupid headset, sucking up to ‘customers’, feeling nervous all the time … but worst of all, enduring that hell that is The Call Centre environment.

~ feeling locked in
~ eating lunch when I’m told that I have to as opposed to when I’m hungry, ’cause we need to ‘meet the needs of the business’
~ being 1 minute late and having that docked from my pay
~ looking around and realizing that I’m a minority.  I realize that I live in Canada, the country of multiculturalism, but I hate that I’m hearing languages that I don’t understand.
~ knowing that advancing here will be hard.  There are another 800 people ahead of me in seniority who want the same positions that I do.
~ being stressed out all the time
~ … and the list goes on.  Ugh.

If you haven’t worked in this environment yet, count yourself lucky.  I read somewhere, a while ago, that 1 in every 7 people have at one point in their lives worked in a Call Centre.

Yeah … started working 2 weeks ago, will be doing training for 6 more weeks though, and I’m finding that I’m sucking at ’studying’ for work.

I’ll be doing tech support for a US cel phone company called T-Mobile. Yeeesh! I don’t even own a cel phone. Oh well. I’ll learn, hopefully.

You’re all doing well, right?

Ok, good.

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… Grrr.

What’s worse? Looking for an apartment or lookingfor a job?

I asked that question when I still had a job but was under a lot of stress to find a new place. At that time, I said it’s harder to find an apartment…

Now I know that it’s shittier ~looking for a job.

Ugh.

So that is why I’ve been absent from the blogging world, and other online activities.

Hope everyone’s well.

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  … (sing this in your head with the ‘Happy Birthday To You’ melody)

“Merry Christmas to Me,
Merry Christmas to You,
Merry Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiistmas EEeeeeeeeeeeeveryyyyyyyooooooooooooooone,
Merry Christmas to us All.
And many mooooooooooooooooooooooooooore.”

Love,

Zita

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… today I did some decorations around our apartment (yeah a bit late I know?) and a few things fell off of garlands etc. but I didn’t want to lose them so I collected them all.

On Christmas eve I’m going to randomly place them on our dining room and coffee tables (one is black, the other is medium brown).  I think it’ll look pretty.

For now they shall remain in this plastic container.

I’ll take more pictures of those tables all ‘dressed up’.

I just couldn’t resist posting that photo.

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… if dogs also get pins and needles when they fall asleep on one of their limbs?

I catch Negra snoozing while resting her head on a paw (front or back) a lot and whenever she wakes she doesn’t do the chicken dance that I tend to do out of complete discomfort and … pain?  Yeah, it hurts like hell sometimes.

Pins and needles are perhaps only human-affecting?

… and today we created a MySpace a’ct for this hockey forum as well:

Check it out: www.myspace.com/thenhlarena

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… William, a friend of his and I have finished setting up this hockey forum.

Please come and visit us!

I’m GWTLAH … come and say hello at: http://www.thenhlarena.com

 … Please go ahead: copy, paste then rewrite and bold the things youve done, then: post.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said I love you and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a babys diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states, or all 12 provinces.
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a strangers table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didnt stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldnt have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someones heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someones mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad – and the Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that youre living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didnt know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someones life

�� … I was waiting for the bus on Kingston Road yesterday, and saw this ad posted on the inside of the shelter:

“Peter’s Academy of Defensive Driving” and a bunch of tear-away phone #s.

I thought, ‘defensive’?

Hmmmm… :I Imagined a bunch of scaredy-looking people driving around, sitting up too close to the wheel, peering out very cautiously … your typical way too slow/way too nervous driver.

Then I thought, wouldn’t it be funny if someone opened up a Driving School with this name:

“Howard’s Academy of Offensive Driving”

Teee-heee.

(I know, I know, we have enough of those drivers too, but still … it’d be a funny prank to pull on someone that’s new to the whole Driving School circuit.)

No?

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… that:

• Pinocchio was made of pine.
• According to languagemonitor.com, “O.K.” is the Most Frequently Spoken Word on the Planet.
• A typist’s fingers travel over twelve and a half miles in an average day.
• An ostrich egg would take four hours to hard boil.
• An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.
• The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
• Chickens can’t swallow while they are upside-down.
• There are more chickens in the world than people.
• The left leg of a chicken is more tender than the right one.
• The US Patent Office received over one hundred patent entries for Perpetual Motion Machines each year.
• The British Patent Office will not accept patents for Perpetual Motion Machines.
• A novel with 50,000 words, none of which contained the letter E was written by Ernest Wright.
• Mark Twain’s book Tom Sawyer (1876) was the first novel to ever be written on a typewriter.
• Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every major category of the Dewey decimal system.
• The Paramount logo contains 22 stars.
• After the Mayflower was no longer needed, it was dismantled, and rebuilt as a barn.
• The letters of the alphabet in order of frequency of use are: ETAISONHRDLUCMFWYPGVBKJQXZ
• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
• A quarter has 119 grooves around the edge.
• You consume one tenth (0.1) calories when you lick a stamp.
• Laughter is a proven way to lose weight.
• The pound sign (#) is called an anoctothorpe.
• There was once a town named 6 in West Virginia.
• A donkey will sink in quick sand, while a mule will not.
• Every year more people are killed by donkeys, than in aircraft crashes.
• Eating lots of carrots will turn the pigment in your skin orange. (Carotene is the same substance that makes leaves turn orange in the fall).
• The earth weighs about 6,588,000,000,000,000,000 tons.
• Every day the sun loses about 360 million tons.
• The first word spoken on the moon was Okay.
• Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon with his left foot.
• Popeye was five feet, six inches.
• The average speed of Heinz ketchup leaving the bottle is 25 miles per year.
• The most common name for a gold fish is Jaws.
• The most common (human) name in the world is Mohammed.
• The longest name in the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament) is Malhershalahashbaz.
• The shortest verse in the Bible is Jesus Wept. (John 11:35)
• The word “and” appears 46,277 times in the Bible.
• There are 17 steps to the apartment of Sherlock Holmes.
• In an average day, a four-year-old child will ask 437 questions.
• The Eiffel Tower has 2.5 million rivets.
• The Eiffel Tower has 1,792 steps.
• More people are alive today than have ever died.
• A typist’s fingers travel over twelve and a half miles in an average day.
• 2,500 left handers die each year using products designed for right handers.
• Einstein didn’t like to wear socks.
• Einstein was a bad student, and dropped out of school.
• Galileo’s last name was Galilei, his first name was Galileo. (Earth revolved around the sun theory)
• The Roman Catholic Church did not acknowledge that the earth revolves around the sun until the mid 1990s.
• In Michelangelo’s ceiling painting of the Sistine Chapel, Pope Julius II pressured him to finish the giant painting on time. For this, Michelangelo didn’t like the Pope, and placed him, and others he didn’t like, in hell when he painted the Judgment Day scene.
• In the Dark, Middle, and Mediaeval ages, the Pope was the true ruler of Europe, because disobedient kings were threatened with eternal damnation.
• The average life span of an umbrella is under two years.
• Elvis Presley was named a Special Federal Narcotics Agent by Richard Nixon.
• The electric shaver was patented on the 6th of November, 1928.
• The telephone’s US patent number is 174465
• The first Life Savers was peppermint flavoured.
• Life Savers candy was produced by a chocolate maker, to make up for the low chocolate sales in the summer.
• The shell makes up 12% of an eggs total mass.
• The Statue of Liberty’s crown has seven points.
• The doorbell was invented in 1831.
• The world’s most common non-contagious disease is tooth decay The monkey wrench was invented by Charles Moncke.
• Until the mid-1800s, only the Dutch were allowed to trade with Japan.
• The British launched a war with Japan, because Japan would not let the British import the addictive drug opium. (Japan suffered a great defeat at sea)
• A quasicrystal is the only crystal to not have a repeating structure.
• A quasicrystal is the only crystal with five-fold symmetry.
• A fire in Australia has been burning for more than 2,000 years.
• A baby born in Florida was named: Truewilllaughinglifebuckyboomermanifestdestiny.
• If you don’t want to figure that out, it’s these words combined; True will laughing life bucky boomer manifestdestiny. (manifestdestiny: n. a belief in the 1800s that the United States destiny is to span from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean.)
• The only words in the English language to contain two “Us” back to back are: vacuum, residuum, and continuum.
• The shortest sentence in the English language is, I am.
• The only word in the English language to contain three back to back double letter combinations is; Bookkeeper.
• The shortest word in the English language to contain the letters A, B, C, D, E and F is: Feedback
• The first non-human to win an Oscar was Mickey Mouse.
• An Oscar weighs seven pounds.
• India has 50 million monkeys.
• If you sleep in a cold room, you are more likely to have a bad dream.
• Pigs can run a mile in seven minutes.
• The mother of Mike Nesmith, a member of the rock group The Monkeys, invented liquid paper.
• The parking meter was invented in 1935 by C.C. Magee.
• After eating too much food, your hearing becomes less sharp.
• Pi has been calculated to over 2,260,321,363 digits.
• The billionth digit of Pi is 9

  … I just wanted to remember that # in case if I started getting excruciating back pains in the coming days I’ll know to blame the TTC.  More precisely, I’d be blaming the driver of the 6674 bus.  That idiot.  He was driving so fast and went over a HUUUUUUGE bump that made me lift off the seat by about 5 inches, spilling my coffee all over the place.  My coffee was in a closed thermos!  Spill free and all that?!  Aiiiiiiiyyyyaaaa!

And when I landed on my ass the thermos almost fell out of my hand.  Oh, and my hat fell off.  Yup, that’s how powerful that was.  There were about 5-6 other people on the bus, but noone said anything.  A few people looked up but that was it.

Moronic Driver didn’t even apologize or anything.  Fudge!

…

*sigh*

OK I feel a bit better now having written this down.  I hope my back/tailbone will be OK.  It was a bit sore right after.

   The Centurion Card, popularly known as the Black Card, is American Express’s most exclusive charge card. Urban legends of a special, black-colored card offering dignitaries and celebrities unlimited spending power and after-hours access to high-end stores circulated in the 1980s. [1] While the rumors were false, American Express decided to capitalize on them by launching the Centurion Card in October 1999 to selected holders of The Platinum Card®, with an annual fee originally at $1,000.

The card is available only by invitation and, as of January 1, 2006, requires minimum annual spending of $250,000 on another American Express card and exceptional credit history among other requirements. Certain requirements have been known to be waived for major celebrities and business figures. “Charter” cardmembers that joined at the $1000/year annual fee are “grandfathered” at that rate as long as they hold the card. If they cancel and re-join, it will be at the higher rate. As of 2006 the annual new cardholder fee was $2,500 and it is estimated that there are fewer than 10,000 cards issued worldwide. The card offers numerous exclusive privileges, including complimentary companion airline tickets on trans-Atlantic flights, personal shoppers at retailers such as Escada, Gucci and Saks Fifth Avenue, access to airport clubs, first class flight upgrades, membership in Sony’s Cierge personal shopping program, and dozens of other elite club memberships. Centurion membership also includes personal services including a personal concierge and travel agent. The program offers many hotel benefits, including a free one-night’s stay in every Mandarin Oriental hotel worldwide (excluding the New York City property) once a year.

The benefits mentioned above are for United States-issued cards. American Express Centurion cards issued in other countries may include different and sometimes lesser benefits reflecting their specific markets. Cardholders have claimed to use the card for things that most would find difficult to believe.

The card is available both as a personal and a business card. A new Centurion card crafted from anodized titanium [2] is being issued as a replacement for all U.S. Centurion plastic cards in the first half of 2006. Centurion members in other countries have previously received this titanium card.

American Express has removed certain benefits from the card in the years since it was introduced. For example, Hyatt Diamond Elite status was included up until January 2005, and Starwood Preferred Guest Platinum status was included up until January 2006.

American Express sent an email to a reported 250,000 customers on September 20, 2006 describing certain benefits of the Centurion card. The email was supposed to go only to the around 10,000 black card holders. Phone calls to their customer service line revealed 1) the email was sent to the ‘wrong list’ in error 2) qualifications for the Centurion card were one year of cardmembership with a $250,000 annual cash flow through the card account. Benefits decribed include: A personal concierge – one person assigned to your account, with a direct phone number and email address; elite frequent flier status on Delta, Continental, and US Air. 18 free nights per year at Mandarin Oriental Hotels.

   I took this of Negra about a year and a half ago … she’s (still) such a Princesss!!! hahaa

Came upon this site today:

http://www.delineated.com/archive.php

~ makes me wanna become a photographer. What awsome pics!!!
Ugh.

I love so many of the photos that I have taken over the years … and a few that were taken of me.

Maybe I should make my blog a photo blog as well? I dunno …

What I hate about photography is that (ok, not HATE, but …) is that so much of it is about timing. I mean, life will not stop for me to go and get my camera.

So perhaps it’s fair to say that all the greatest photographers are just a bunch of lucky people? Maybe yes.

“…I must walk away, cause I know that when she wakes from her dreams I’m not the one her heart will seek. What I cannot have I do not need.”

How true. And sad? Yeah, that too. Saw this on another blogger’s page as I was surfing random blogs yesterday. It’s a part of a song by Eric Bachmann … called Genevieve. Must check it out.

It made me think about what William once told me when I told him that I needed him. He said ‘It is not good to need’ … Hm. I think I talked to him about this a few days ago. This need thing.

It’s not good, sure, but … on the other hand, I need him because I love him. And I love him because I need him. Wonder how different the two really are from the each other? I guess one is more mature than the other.

Hmm … regardless. My love for him is above all that.

  Haha … I read that sentence today in ‘The Diviners’ and I had to write it down. I want to always remember this and say it from time to time.

Me: “I don’t care if your ass falls off, you cannot be online at this hour. Now get your ass into bed!”

Partner looking confused and scared says, “Okay”, and gets his ass offline and into bed.

Hahahaaaa….

Ahhh the English language. I love it.

  Should be easy enough, right?

Na-ah! It is not … I eat when I’m not hungry all the time. Why? Boredom. Comfort. Boredom again. Yeah, I need to do something with my hands.

Type. Stuff my face. Turn pages in a book/magazine/newspaper. Scratch my face. Fix my hair. Pull my shirt down so my lower back does not show. Stuff my face. Put cream on my hands. Etc…

They say that smokers have a hard time quitting also because they don’t know what to do with their hands. I could think of a hundred different things for them to do instead. But I’m not them.

Just like they’re not me, when I reach for that cookie or for that pickle.

Snacks. Cigarettes … we don’t need them but we still reach for them.

Agh, the horror!

I’m looking at those pickles now. Won’t touch them, until I’m hungry.

I promise, ok?

   Ha, that sounds so silly coming from me. What am I, a revolutionary?!

Oh sure. I can try…

I made up a myspace (blech!) account today to promote Scrabble … the site that I play on www.isc.ro and also to tell people that I’ll be putting together a scrabble forum soon, hopefully, with the help of a co-worker.

www.myspace.com/zita1974

Till then, Scrabble ON!

  (found here: http://similarminds.com/global-adv.html) … Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||| 60%
Stability |||||||||||| 46%
Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 66%
Accommodation |||||||||||| 50%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 70%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56%
Mystical |||||||||||||| 56%
Artistic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism || 10%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Adventurousness |||||| 23%
Work ethic || 10%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 70%
Conflict seeking |||| 16%
Need to dominate |||||| 30%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Avoidant || 10%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Wealth || 10%
Dependency |||||||||||| 43%
Change averse |||||||||||||| 56%
Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||| 30%
Physical security |||||||||||||| 56%
Physical fitness |||||||||| 37%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 43%
Paranoia |||||| 23%
Vanity |||||| 23%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Female cliche |||||||||||||| 56%

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot: clean, self revealing, open, organized, outgoing, social, enjoys leadership and managing others, dominant, makes friends easily, does not like to be alone, assertive, hard working, finisher, optimistic, positive, likes to stand out, likes large parties, respects authority, practical, high self esteem, perfectionist, dislikes chaos, busy, not familiar with the dark side of life, controlling, high self control, traditional, tough, likes to fit in, conforming, brutally honest, takes precautions

   (This was a love letter that I wrote imagining that I was a man, and I was writing this to a girl that I loved.)

If I was your man, I would take tremendous pride in not making you ever cry.

If I ever found out that I made you sad in any way, I would try my hardest to make up for my stupidity and selfishness or thoughtlessness (one of these is always the reason). I would want to erase your sadness as soon I as I possibly could and get to work on making you smile at me once again. Or at the very least, get you to forgive me. Asking for forgiveness is very difficult to do for us, men. Has to do with our inablity to admit to being wrong. To being cruel. To being immature. We seem to think that we’re perfect, and it’s the women that are that way, whatever way they are. We don’t trust them completely, because … well. Because we’re afraid. Afraid that they would leave us for someone else. So we try to control them. But the harder we try to do this, the sooner it is that they’ll start to look for what we’re not giving them: Affection. Attention. Love. And intimacy.

As your man I would do my best to not be like the other guys. I would understand. I would learn. And I would ask questions. Lots of questions.

If I was your man, I would know what your favourite flower is, and would bring you one single stem of it from time to time. Just one stem. Even if my girl insisted that she did not like flowers, I would pick one out especially for her. While holding her hand I would tell her that every woman has her favourite flower, no matter how hard assed they are about denying it. Because every man should know, that this is a fact.

If I was a man who was truly in love, I would only tell this to the one I love only when we’re alone. And even then I would only whisper it in hear ear, ever so softly. To say “I love you” out loud should not be allowed. It is much too powerful of a statement to be said like that, set free so carelessly … into the ears of strangers who just would not understand. They’d only smirk and look away, ashamed for us two. Who needs that type of feedback, when you can have the whispered word just hang weightlessly in the quiet air … for a few seconds or minutes … until it gets completely absorbed by us two, and the space that surrounds us.

If she would say it back to me the same way, maybe cup my ear into her hands and whisper this back to me, I would close my eyes and just hold her against me. Squeeze her gently. Stroke her hair. Hold her until we both get tired of standing up like that, leaning into each other, enjoying this perfect moment. This perfect egg of time … where everything is the way I would want everything to be if I had control over how everything was.

Then,

I would undress her slowly, peel the clothes off of her one item at a time. When they are all on the floor I would take her hand and lead her to the nearest wall in the room and …

Well.

I am a gentleman.

As well as a man who is very passionate about his one and only, but also secretive about what goes on after the lights go out. After the clothes come off. After the talking stops, and the bodies begin to speak to each other.

Once our lovemaking is finished and we are both satisfied, I would continue to stroke her hair, her skin … kiss her neck, until she fell asleep beside me. Then I would cover her up, making sure that she was warm and comfortable, and only then would I allow myself to sleep as well. For I would not want to be selfish and be the one that falls asleep first, after an experience like that.